Anxiety doesn’t always come with a full-blown panic attack. Sometimes, it hides in competence. In caretaking. In perfectionism. It shows up in the person who’s always calm on the outside, but quietly unraveling inside.
This article is for the ones who:
• Appear strong, capable, and reliable
• Are praised for handling pressure
• Rarely show vulnerability
• Can’t remember the last time they truly relaxed
If that sounds like you, here’s what you need to know: You can be high-functioning and anxious at the same time.
In fact, many people living with chronic anxiety don’t even realize it. They’ve simply adapted to the tension — mentally and physically — and call it “normal.” But it’s not. It’s just familiar.
Let’s break it down using evidence-based approaches from psychology.
CBT: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Anxiety is often fueled by three common patterns:
• Catastrophic thinking — imagining worst-case scenarios (“What if I mess up?” or “What if something bad happens?”)
• Avoidance — dodging the things that make us feel uncomfortable (emails, decisions, difficult conversations)
• Rigid rules — deeply ingrained beliefs like “I must be perfect” or “I can never let people down”
These patterns don’t mean you’re weak. They mean you’ve been coping. But when these thoughts start running your life, exhaustion and disconnection follow.
DBT: Dialectical Behavior Therapy
DBT encourages you to access what’s called the wise mind — a balance between emotion and logic.
Instead of reacting from anxiety, you can pause and ask:
• Am I responding from fear or from facts?
• What emotion am I trying to avoid?
• What would the calm, grounded version of me choose to do?
Wise mind helps you slow down and create space for more conscious decisions. It’s not about shutting down emotions. It’s about not letting them drive the bus.
Family Therapy: Understanding Early Patterns
Your early family roles and experiences shape how you deal with anxiety.
Were you the caretaker, the peacemaker, the achiever? Were you praised for being strong or calm? Did you learn to put others’ needs before your own?
If yes, you may have internalized the message that your needs are less important. That you must always hold it together.
These patterns made sense when you were young. But they can quietly create chronic anxiety in adulthood, especially in high-functioning, emotionally intelligent people.
So… does your anxiety need attention?
Here’s a quick self-check. Answer yes or no:
• Do you replay conversations in your head and second-guess yourself?
• Do you avoid tasks even when they’re simple?
• Do you feel guilty when resting or slowing down?
• Do you often feel overwhelmed for no clear reason?
• Did you grow up feeling responsible for other people’s emotions?
If you said “yes” to several, here’s what I want you to know: You’re not broken. You’re not failing.
Your mind and body are asking for care, not punishment.
Start here:
• Give yourself 10 minutes this week to check in with how you really feel
• Name one thing you’re avoiding and ask why
• Notice your self-talk: Is it harsh or kind?
• Take one action that signals to your body: I’m safe, and I’m allowed to rest
These small changes matter. They tell your nervous system: I’m finally listening.
Ready for deeper support?
If you’re curious about working through anxiety with professional tools, I offer:
• 1:1 psychology sessions (online or in Tallinn, Nõmme Tervisekliinik)
• Team workshops on psychology at work to help teams manage stress, improve communication, and build psychological safety
You can book a session or get in touch with me directly to explore what fits your needs.
Your wellbeing matters. Not just when you break. Now.
